Hello Giggles
May 18, 2017 AT 05:12 PM EDT

This article was originally published on HelloGiggles.com

If you have a question, what’s the first thing you do? Ask Google, of course. Which means that Google knows all of our weird secrets. Like, whether you regret having children or if your sexual partner isn’t um, performing. A new book called Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz is all about the crazy things people type into Google and some of his findings might surprise you. Unless you’re one of the people who’s asked Google something you would never talk to your friends about. And let’s face it, that’s pretty much all of us.

To start, Google knows that a lot of people regret having children. According to the book, adults with three kids or more are more likely to type, “I regret having kids,” than people without kids search “will I regret having kids?”It makes sense when you think about it. It’s still sort of taboo to talk about regretting children or wondering if you made the right choice when it comes to your family, but Google doesn’t judge.

Likewise, Google knows how many times a man wonders about his penis. It’s a lot, as you might imagine. “Men Google more questions about their sexual organ than any other body part: more than about their lungs, liver, feet, ears, nose, throat and brain combined,”Stephens-Davidowitz writes.

Google knows everything, people.

Actually, men worry a lot about their penis. Stephens-Davidowtiz wrote, “Men conduct more searches for how to make their penises bigger than how to tune a guitar, make an omelette or change a tire. Even men curious about the aging process have one question first and foremost in mind: “Will my penis get smaller?

Interestingly, when most women search about penises, it’s about what to do if their partner is too big. Other popular searches by men are about figuring out how to sustain an erection longer during sex. Again, women and men are thinking on complete opposite terms: most women try to find out how to make their man finish quicker. Sorry, bros.

Other popular (and kind of sad) searches according to Stephens-Davidowitz? People want to know how to make their butts bigger, how to fix “sexless” marriages, and, weirdly — look for porn depicting incest. Again, all things no one wants to talk about at the BBQ.

So, uh, keep searching people. But remember that Google’s saving every single weird, creepy, and embarassing search.

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